I went to several doctors, the same diagnosis, the same opinion. You must have a surgery urgently !!! I knew that this was not what I had to do, that there was definitely another solution. I did not want to give up my kidney, I did not want that removing the tumor to risk spreading it throughout the body (I had read and heard about all kinds of cases) and I did not want the doctors to tell me after surgery that it is necessary to do chemo. I loved my body too much to do such a thing. I’ll get rid of the tumor in the same way it grew inside me, cell by cell, milimetre by millimeter.
I started some herbal treatment, a strict diet based only on juices, vegetables and nuts. I felt good, energetic and full of hope. I felt that this was my path to healing.
I started to think positive, to read millions of books about it, about the right nutrition, to take long walks in the nature, in the mountains, in the forests, to meditate, to move, to do complementary therapies, to enjoy my life, to laugh, to go on holidays where there was fresh air and water. Even to pick for myself some plants, vegetables, fruits from the mountain. Things were moving well. I was happy and pleased with what I had accomplished. I went to see the doctor with regularity and ,, she,, was still there, but at least it didn’t grow in size.
From the agitated and nervous person, I became more chill and peaceful. I was proud of my evolution, I was Someone – no doctor could convince me that I had to take the surgery, because I knew what was best for me and my body. I wasn’t afraid of the tumor, at least so I thought it was.
I had given up on my job and all my time I had dedicated myself to healing. I used to make cold-pressed green juices all day, preparing vegan dishes only from organic foods, using only detergents and organic cleansing solutions, as well as body care products, I gave up makeup and dyeing my hair, stopped eating out in the city (I almost felt sorry for the people that were eating all the prepared dishes in the restaurants, because I knew the ingredients were not of the best quality and their cooking was not the most healthy), I was meeting with friends but especially in nature, I was trying to avoid agglomeration and pollution and anything that I felt it could stress me, even toxic friends.
Somehow I was making good decisions and the tumor had only changed my life in better as well for me as for the others, who, for fear of not losing me, were more lenient, nicer, going more to the church (which also helped me enormously, I pray to God and felt that there is someone out there who will help me get through all of this).
But on the other hand, I was obsessed with everything. If I went to someone and that person had washed with Domestos, I was afraid that I would get intoxicated. Or when I went on a holiday and I didn’t eat organic, I thought that who knows what I will suffer, it will grow me one more leg :)) I was a little obsessed, I agree. And from this obsession of mine, one day I thought that I could change more my diet, to speed up the healing process. This impatience … The fear came again in my life at that moment, the fear that I can say I had it all my existence.
The first year after I discovered the tumor, was perfect. But since the fear was installed, the fear that I did not do enough to heal myself, the fear that I may be wrong somewhere, I started to do a lot more research and agitation and stress started to build up. In a word, I had reached where I left off. In fact, worse. I had reached where the disease began. In fear, stress, distrust.
What did I do next?